Dealing with Change

Posted on 06. Feb, 2010 by in The Goo Blog

I had lunch with my friend, Jill,  yesterday.  It was good to see her and catch up, but for some reason I left our time together feeling very sad.  At first I could not figure out why.  Jill is someone I care for and think a great deal of.  I usually feel great when I get together with her and can’t wait to see her again.  This time I was not sure when or if I wanted to see her again.

She was in this huge negative victim space.  Not fun to be around.

Later in the day I was telling another friend, Sandy, about this situation and she helped me see what was happening.

I mentioned that Jill had seemed very angry about most everything she talked about.  Even things she said she was excited about she described by saying “I just don’t give an F— anymore, I am going to do what I want!”

Sandy, who has a background in psychology, mentioned that one of the emotions that underlies anger is often unhappiness.  “DING!”  That is exactly what it was.  Jill was unhappy and was expressing it as anger.

It is hard to see Jill so unhappy.  She is a strong, intelligent, caring and beautiful person.  I desperately wanted to “help” her, but in reality she is the only person who can do that.  Until she is ready to move out of this space of unhappiness and anger, nothing and no one can change where she is.

What I can do is believe in her and support her as she goes through this challenging time.

We have all been there.  It feels like the world is ending.  No one cares.  No one understands.  We have forgotten how amazing and powerful we are.  We have lost site of the fact that we are the one who creates our experiences.  Until we take responsibility for our life we remain stuck.

I recently heard Michael Beckwith give some guidance on how to deal with change.

  1. Accept what is.  Don’t go into wishful thinking.
  2. Harvest the good.  Look back to all you learned from the situation.  Compare before the experience to now and recognize the good.
  3. Forgive all the rest.

This process seems simple, and it is.  It also works.  At least it did for me.

I have accepted the place Jill is right now.  The good for me is that it reminded me the power that lies in believing in my friend exactly where she is.  Knowing that I will see her again.  Not the unhappy, resentful, bitter victim I had lunch with yesterday, but the beautiful, smart, empowered, exciting woman I know her to be.  The rest I have forgiven.  It was just the vehicle for this lesson.

Tags: , , , , ,

One Response to “Dealing with Change”